What's the Difference Between Dating and Being in a Relationship?

Bad dates are rampant, and the only people we have to blame are ourselves. We just don’t think outside the box. For a lot of us, just steeling ourselves to make a move is is hard enough. It’s no wonder we go for the low hanging fruit; the standard dates like dinner and a movie. We end up with a history of rotten dates, boring dates, horrific dates, and dates that were just okay 單身配對. We blame it on incompatibility, or we blame the other person. Once in awhile we might blame ourselves, but that’s no fun at all. We never stop to think that it could be the date itself that undermined us.

Problem #1: Too much talking, or rather, too much pressure to talk. If you’re out to dinner with someone and you don’t hit it off right away, you find yourself eyeing the door, bracing yourself for the long night ahead of you. For a first date, you never want to choose something where the sole activity is “talking to each other. “

Pitfalls include: dinner, picnics, long walks, or scenic drives. Dinner is standard, picnics are cute, long walks are romantic, and they’re all great for second, third, fourth, fifth dates. On the first date, they put too much pressure on both parties to be interesting, witty, and engaging. If you’re naturally witty and engaging, congratulations and I don’t know why you’re reading this; you probably do fine on first dates. For a lot of other people, however, it takes practice, and can be extremely draining if the other person is feeling the strain too. Like I said, If you don’t hit it off immediately, you’ve got a long and very mediocre night ahead of you, at best.

Pitfalls include: movies, concerts, and most sporting events. Any date where your attention is entirely on something else may as well not be a date at all. They might seem like a step up from the No Thought Required dinner plans, but they’re still fairly standard, and are all the more confusing because you might think you enjoyed the date, when it turns out you actually only enjoyed watching your favorite sports team play.

Beware of the double-threat, Dinner and a Movie date. First you sit in silence for two hours, afraid to laugh because your date might think you’re a low-brow moron, and then it’s like having to start the date all over again when you go to dinner afterwards. If first dates are difficult and awkward, why would you want to have what amounts to two first dates in one night, with the same person? You’re just piling on the problems.

The most important thing to do when orchestrating an interesting and original date is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. The date you propose should be something you think the other person will enjoy. This is a trade off, because if they agree, you’re still getting what you want, with is to spend time with them. You have to sweeten the deal by showing you thought about the other person’s preferences.

For instance: ladies, you might love to spend the afternoon glazing personalized coffee mugs at the ceramics shop, but statistically speaking, a male date would be none too thrilled with this prospect. The pool hall or the bowling alley would probably be more enticing, and not just because he’ll have a better view of your backside. Spacial prowess has been linked directly to testosterone, and most men enjoy the opportunity to exercise their skills. On the other hand, gentlemen, estrogen has been directly linked to visual acumen and fine motor skills, so while those detail oriented activities may not be your forte, women tend to enjoy them. Now knowing that a woman might love to glaze a coffee mug, why not take Plaster Funhouse off the list of things you’ve outgrown, and add it to your date repertory?

Both the pool hall and the ceramics shop offer absorbing activities that don’t require all of your attention all the time, leaving you the opportunity to get to know each other casually. A shared activity gives you something to talk about when you can’t quite recall that riveting and hilarious anecdote you have stashed somewhere in the back of your mind. When the pressure is off you to be the evenings entertainment, it’s easier to relax and be yourself. Plus, you might get a coffee mug out of it, so it’s win-win.

Rustle up a couple friends, turn it into a double/triple date, and team up to try to clean the other couples out. A twenty dollar buy-in is cheap compared to fine dining, and like with the races, you both have an invested interest in the outcome. Not only that, but you have a reason to sit side by side and whisper conspiratorially. Not many dates offer that, actually, but with this date, it’s required.

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